Alcoholic Christian

A pattern is something we do over and over. Some patterns are standalone, like breathing. There’s nothing else in particular I have to do while I breathe. The more common kind of pattern is where things get paired up. For example, if I eat scrambled eggs, I want bacon. Eggs and bacon just kinda go together for me. But some pairings can be problems. I travel a lot, and I pair up places with other things. …

I had 102 days of continuous clarity recently, until a setback a little over a month ago. I hadn’t gone that long without touching a drink in a couple decades, and I really got my mind back, which felt fabulous because before that, I had gotten to the point where I felt pretty much worthless. I thought I was done.

The secret of those 102 days, I believe, was something I read in AA’s Step 6: “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” …

Most people who are part of my heritage of faith are teetotalers. Those who do drink do it quietly, because (at least for me and those with whom I’ve spoke of it) of Paul’s admonitions in Romans 14 and elsewhere not to do things your weaker brother can see and be offended, even if these things are not wrong in themselves. Yes, we know that Jesus and the disciples drank wine, and Jesus even miraculously made wine on one occasion that we know of, but none of us have any interest in making an issue of it for fear of causing offense with those who don’t see it that way.

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I’m starting again. Since my last post over three years ago, I slid back into a bumpy full-blown addiction. I did fine up through about this time of year in 2014, but then went on an extended trip to a place I’ve never gone without drinking. After almost a month there, I was back to the old every-day drinking pattern. Most nights, my partner and I would drink a bottle of red and a bottle of white at home, which seemed like a safe pattern, but too often recently that has devolved into 3- or 4-bottle nights, which pretty much ensure that I’m completely worthless the next day.

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I’ve found an antidote to the fear I recently wrote about. After thinking more about it, I realized something obvious. During those first 59 days I went without a drink after the turning point, I probably attended 40 AA meetings. During the next 43 days between New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s Day that I didn’t drink, I attended about 8 of them. During the next 19 days that I didn’t drink, I didn’t attend any of them.

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